Ctrl+Z. Ctrl+Me.

"Just living is not enough", said the butterfly, "one must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower."
— Hans Christian Andersen.

they've all got loaded guns.

Running for your life,
Never turning back.
Speed up, speed up,
Don't get caught.
You miss your step,
And fall into the trap.


This post is nothing particularly thought-provoking or serve any purpose of metaphors. It will be direct, honest and entirely what I am feeling right now. This is mainly because I need an outlet to vent it out without feeling like a burden to anyone around me.

For the past two months, it has been pretty empty for me. Perhaps lonely would be the word to describe, but I do know that people would judge me too quickly if I said I was lonely. Also, I don't know why people can't stop judging me before they know me.

One step at a time.

Basically, for the past two months, I have had so much free time. I feel free, with too much time in my hands. Yet, at the same time, I felt empty. I had friends coming in for a short while to console me, and leave upon assumption that I am okay. It made me confused. 

I figured this free time could be used to think about what I want in life and who I want to keep as friends. However, what happened was that many people whom I thought were my friends, just left me alone. Especially during the time when I needed company the most, just someone to talk to and someone to help me with distracting myself from overthinking.

The strange thing is that, the people who stayed around were those with religion. Christians and Catholics, to be specific. 

I'm pretty sure that those who know me very well know that I am someone who does not accept the idea of religion (no offense). 

However, the people who have been talking to me, encouraging me, and helping me to sort my thoughts out are them.

To be honest, I didn't expect to feel so much comfort in them, their company and just being myself. I occasionally made silly jokes or poked fun a little, but they never took it seriously and just accepted me for being me.

This is something really surprising, and something I could never feel more happy about.

I am thankful to the few of you who have entered my life more in depth, understanding me and accepting me. Even though, I'm sorry, I have no intention of having a religion.

As for those who did not hesitate to run, or set a trap in front of me,  or tried to take advantage of me the moment I had issues, good riddance to you.

I believe if that two people are meant to be friends for a long time, they just will. They can be absolutely honest with each other, and be happy just like that.

Friends are simple. Basic respect and mutual understanding.
They stick around when you're in trouble, drop the less important things to help you out if they can. They stay around when you have happy things and good news to share with them, celebrating your happiness and enjoying the company coupled with laughter and genuine excitement.

I've had enough of mind games and thinking. I really need a distraction to stop myself from thinking about all the unnecessary things.

So, at the end of the day, who are your real friends?



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