Ctrl+Z. Ctrl+Me.

"Just living is not enough", said the butterfly, "one must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower."
— Hans Christian Andersen.

tell me what you know about dreams.

The world forgetting, by the world forgot.


What if memories can be erased?

Will the feelings disappear completely too?


We all wear a crown.
We all rule a kingdom.
We are all kings.
Kings of our own mind.


Each time I closed my eyes,
tucked under the soft comforter,
falling into deep slumber,
the nightmares came.

Each time I opened my eyes,
tucked under the soft comforter,
awake from deep slumber,
the real nightmare came.

The nightmares won't leave me alone.
The nightmares won't go away.


What if.

There was a way to eradicate a memory you despise.
Would you be happier?

What if.

There was a way to forget things you did not want to remember.
Would you still fight to remember them?

What if.

There was a way to repress the memory instead of moving on and forgetting it.
Would you hold on to it?

What if.


My biggest mistake is repressing something I did not want to think about.
My biggest mistake is trying to forgetting everything by making myself miserable.

I'm addicted to misery.

I don't get by each day thinking about how miserable I am.
I sleep miserably alone,
I wake up miserably alone.
I enjoy misery.

I enjoy inflicting misery on myself.

My misery is aggressive, but I avoid letting that get the better of me.

I imagine the mess I would create,
and then I choose to disappear.
To run away for a bit.
To be alone.

Misery is like a drug.
And I'm hooked.
It pierced me so deep inside,
the wound will never heal.

I don't need alcohol, or prescription drugs, or self-mutilation.
I just need to lie down, thinking.
Getting obsessed with thinking.
Getting high on misery.

I hide my meltdowns.

Not because I'm not happy with people around me.
Not because I'm not happy with people I love.

Because only I can face my own fears.
It's mine to face, and it's mine to fight.

Because I mastered a straight face.
A straight face to show no emotions, to hideaway my fears.

Because I learnt not to cry.
Even if I teared, there will be no tinge of sadness shown.

Because I learnt to love.
I learnt to love people around me, not to burden them.

It's my own war.
It's me I'm fighting against.
Let me fight my own war.
Let me fight myself.


Hypnic jerks

If you lose sleep because you constantly jerk awake, you will become fatigued and may develop anxiety or worry about falling asleep. The more worried and tired you are, the more likely you are to jerk awake. The more you jerk awake, the more sleep you lose.

Tell me how to fall asleep.



tell me what you know about night terrors.


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