sometimes i feel like i'm going insane.

"Some birds are not meant to be caged, that's all.
Their feathers are too bright, their songs too sweet and wild. So you let them go, or when you open the cage to feed them they somehow fly out past you. And the part of you that knows it was wrong to imprison them in the first place rejoices, but still, the place where you live is that much more drab and empty for their departure."

- Rita Hayworth, Shawshank Redemption.

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Do the bigger dream catchers catch the big bad dreams?
Do the smaller dream catchers catch the small bad dreams?


What happens when the dream catcher ain't big enough to catch the bigger bad dreams?


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What happens when trying to be okay ends up with being okay,
being in denial.

What happens when reality sinks in and you're trying to be okay with it,
and you eventually become okay.

Does it ever stop there?


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What happens when a part of the soul dies inside,
just trying to figure everything out at one shot.

Like a rush.
Like a flood.

Like a moment of forgetting that the present still exists.

Like the moment it hits you.


That everything you've been running away from is right in front of you all the while.


And the questions come in again.
Questioning yourself what the hell is going on right now.
Questioning yourself what the hell you are trying to prove.
Questioning yourself what the hell you want with yourself.

All the distractions around you don't solve your problem.
All the distractions around you don't help you feel better.

Because at the end of the day when you're sitting alone,
thinking about what you've been doing your whole life.
You realise that you've been running too far -
Too far to take it when you snap back.


Because at the end of the day when you're sitting alone,
thinking about all that shit.

You're sitting alone.

When you could be outside there running around,
using that distraction to get over all that.

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self-induced.

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M.

but i'm alright though.