Ctrl+Z. Ctrl+Me.

"Just living is not enough", said the butterfly, "one must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower."
— Hans Christian Andersen.

i have these thoughts.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep.
- Robert Frost.


She shall prick her finger - on the spindle of a spinning wheel - and DIE!

She fell into deep slumber.
Her mind wandered into a land of adventure.
Along the trees, she skipped, feeling a sense of joy.
The branches and leaves swayed along to the melody of her humming.
Across the little pot holes she jumped, smiling with a tingle of fear.
The holes were filled with bright and vibrant colourful snakes.
Picking up a twig from the ground, a perfectly thin twig with two leaves,
she lightly drew lines along every tree she passed.
Singing tunes of songs which made her laugh inside,
she made up words that seemed to rhyme.
She wanted the words to be meaningful,
she wanted the words to be filled with depth.
Her words came out faster than the melody in her head,
alongside the wind that seemed to be in rhythm,
and the visuals that accompanied the tunes,
she couldn't help but feel accomplished about it.
Euphoria was what she felt - 
A feeling of elation, joy, happiness, eagerness.
Her elated movements with joyful thoughts,
on the road to happiness with her wide eager eyes.
The swift movements of her feet carried her all the way,
across the forest, out of the greens and into the blue.
Faced with a huge body of water ahead,
her brows furrowed as she could not figure it out.
The ways to get across the river were far too many.
Her head was whirling and she could not seem to stand straight.
She sought clarity with her voice, asked it many questions.
What is the meaning of  finding happiness?
What is the meaning of getting across?
What is the purpose of being here?
What is the purpose of happiness?
Placing a toe on the surface to feel the water,
she shivered in excitement.
She had all the answers in her head.
Stepping into the water, bracing the coldness,
she fought the urge to turn back and run
but the water was too comfortable to leave.
Crossing the water was the hardest,
she saw crocodiles swim past her,
she felt sharks brushing against her skin,
but she was fearless.
Crossing the water wasn't the hardest,
getting out of the water was the hardest.
When she eventually did,
she shivered from the cold.
Approaching an area of red mountains,
she approached slowly.
Shaking her head in attempt to stay awake,
she shook her head in disappointment.
It was the point she knew she was reaching the end,
she was fighting the urge to close her eyes.
At the same time she wanted to be awake,
to be productive in looking around,
to get all her thoughts organised neatly,
and structured in her head
like when she was in the water.
Struggling to keep the mind awake,
she fought with herself to keep her eyes opened.
The eagerness was disappearing,
as she was swarmed with the mountains around her,
overwhelming it was, a need to escape.
If she closed her eyes for a minute,
would she wake up in time to carry on her journey in her mind?
Would this path really take her to the end?
Would she really find happiness?
What would happen if she reached the end?
Would the happiness stop then?
This time, she didn't have answers.
She continued to keep awake,
trying her hardest to think about the songs she sang,
trying her hardest to find the answers to the questions in her head,
but she was losing that battle.
When she finally approached the end of the path,
all she saw ahead was a pile of eyes,
staring back at her.
Come forth, the voice said.
It was all in her imagination,
there were no eyes there,
there was nothing there.
Blinking hard,
fighting the tears,
she began to forget what was real.
She shook her head continuously,
wanting to wake up from this adventure.
She couldn't.
She looked everywhere,
her eyes no longer eager,
but filled with dread.
Where was the rabbit hole she came from?
How could she possibly get out of this?
Is she destined to stay in this place forever?
It reached the extent that she was about to give in to fate.
Perhaps it's destiny that you're here, the voice said.
You could live here forever, with everything here, the voice said.
Go punch the rock, the voice said.
Don't give a damn about anything, the voice said.
She squinted her tears away, confused by the voice.
She shook her head in fear, giving in to her fate.
How could she escape this?
She didn't want to cry, for it was never an answer to anything.
She didn't want to cry, for it was demeaning and made her weak.
She didn't want to cry, for she was not allowed to.
She didn't want to cry, for she feared the consequences.
The voice in her head, what exactly drove it?
Where did it come from?
Who is the voice?
She begged to be let free,
she begged to find an answer,
but to no avail.
The answer that she seeks, shall not be sought.
Hands up, knees to the ground,
helpless and defeated,
she closed her eyes.
The answer was now clear to her.
She opened her eyes.

She did not sleep at all.



so often I ought
to replace that slot
with what I once bought.


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