you know where I'm coming from.

"You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness." 

- Jonathan Safran Foer.

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Setting sail out to sea,
anchored down in the rocky waters,
with a calming mind and steady hands,

fishing for happiness.

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Across the lake she stood,

staring across at the grass patch.

Turning around to head home,

she paused for a second to take a last look.

Reluctantly she walked,

her footprints left behind a trail of flowers.

Oh, how she wished she could just

be on the other side of the grass.

Because the other side wasn't greener,

but it was where she could be herself.

Consistently for weeks, a routine began to form,

she returned to that same spot every single day.

As the routine was repeated every single day,

the flowers left behind started to pile up.

With each passing day holding onto the same wish,

navigating through the flowers got harder.

Piling up in heaps and obstructing the pathway,

she could barely make it back to the same spot.

After months of trying and trying again,

she could barely make sight of it anymore.

While she blamed herself for being cursed,

a faint familiar floral scent floated by.

Parallel rivers began to flow,

downstream she began to go.

Until she hit the bottom,

safely cushioned by the flowers.

A perplexed frown began to form,

the flowers responded with a nod.

The voice in her head told her

exactly what to do.

Returning the flower's nod,

she grabbed them and flung them out.

Out of the soil they went.

Out of the way they went.

Gaining sight of the grass patch again,

the anticipation level rose.

Her beating heart hastened, so fast she could not tell

how many times her heart skipped a beat.

Back at the same spot,

a smell of familiarity arose.

Sitting down by the lake alone,

she took out a fishing rod.

Hours passed by, days passed by,

with not a single catch.

Faltering in despair,

she fell to her knees.

The sky began to turn dark,

everything was pitch black.

Oh, how she wished it would shine again,

where everything was placed better in perspective.

Yearning for clarity, 

she had to make a choice.

Taking her first step forward,

she didn't give up after.

Proceeding careful with each step,

she didn't feel so scared anymore.

Lethargy was overwhelming,

she needed to take a break.

Finding a spot to rest,

she smiled at what she had accomplished.

Outside of a routine, it was a fresh start.

A new journey began to take negativity apart.

Awoken by a bright light,

she sat up swiftly.

The sun was back up,

and she was where she wanted to be.

Lying down directly at the spot

she had always admired from across.

Making it across the river somehow,

she wasn't entirely sure how it happened.

Footsteps approached, in a calm strolling pace.

A boy with a fishing rod began to bait his hook.

Confused, she began to sit up,

deliberating if she should go over.

Waving a hand gesture,

he invited her over to join.

Why haven't I seen you from across the river before?

I go there every day to watch this spot, she said.

I've disappeared and only come back a few months back.

Why haven't I seen you from across the river before? He said.

Trying hard to remember what happened,

the flood of memories came back at once.

I disappeared and only came back yesterday.

That's why I haven't seen you from across the river before, she rationalised.

Passing the rod over to her, beckoning her to give it a try,

he smiled with encouragement and waited for her to be ready.

Putting down bad memories from bad experiences,

she threw the hook into the water.

Within seconds the line was engaged,

she brought the fish to shore.

Refusing credit for the catch,

she explained how she was never taught to fish.

I've always been under the spotlight of negativity,

along with the whole idea of me fishing, she said.

Well, now you've learnt to fish on your own.

It's now your responsibility, he said as he eyed the fish.

The dilemma began to appear

as clouds began to fill up the sky.

Lie down with me. Let's watch how this ends up.

I've been doing this at that spot, it gives the best view, he said.

Approaching cautiously, she lay down beside him.

It was the exact same spot, she had been watching for months.

Oh, how much she wondered in her little head

about how she ended up here.

Clouding up in her head,

she disengaged from everything.

Dreadful feelings of detachment seeped in,

she wanted it to go away.

The sky darkened with each tear drop,

it felt like falling back into a black pitch of emptiness again.

Holding on to her, his warmth kept her breathing.

She noticed his patience, and his unconditional care.

Taking deep breaths and regaining consciousness,

the sunlight was glaring once again.

Profusely apologising for what happened,

he calmly held her and told her, it's okay.

Clouds began to occupy the sky once again,

her troubled mind at work again.

Keeping a smile on, he patiently invited her once more

to lie down beside him, and enjoy the view of the sky.

It's not about how great of a view the sky is,

or where we are seated to observe it, he said.

Silence.

She didn't say a word.

Staring into his eyes, she saw a mad world within.

An instant connection was felt, she couldn't explain how.

Still smiling, he pointed to the sky.

Following his gesture, she turned to gaze at the sky.

The sky doesn't have to be perfect to be enjoyed.

A beautiful mess, but how's it not to love? She exclaimed.

Paying attention to the little wonders of the sky,

the clouds in her mind began to dissipate.

Stealing peaks at the wonderful boy next to her,

it felt as if he was experiencing it the same way too.

Sneaking a blissful smile, she kept her eyes on him.

What's not to love about this beautiful mess? She whispered.

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Don't try to tie the two ends.

Some loose wires just can't be fixed.

Loose wires just run beside each other,

functioning best in their own circuits.

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Wanted to be a better adversary to the evil I have done.

I have none to show to the one I love, but deny, deny, denial.

----------------

M.

though I am running to you,

all I feel is deny, deny, denial.