Ctrl+Z. Ctrl+Me.

"Just living is not enough", said the butterfly, "one must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower."
— Hans Christian Andersen.

I'm insignificant.

"One day I went to see him, we were looking at the dust dancing in a ray of sunlight that slanted in through one of the high windows. He said to me, 'Nobody has any real importance to me. As far as I'm concerned, other people are like those little grains of dust floating in the sunlight. It takes only a push of the broom and out they go.' I told him I had often noticed in his dealings with others that he considered the rest of the world only little grains of dust. But I said, as it happened, I was a little grain of dust gifted with autonomous movement and who didn't therefore need a broom. I could go out by myself."

- Francoise Gilot, Life with Picasso


The business man worked with a busy lifestyle. He kept the people in his office close, ensuring that every single matter in the office is meticulously taken care of even while he was on vacation with his wife. His wife kept silent about it, despite the deafening silence every meal when she just sat patiently waiting for him to be done with his office matters. She held on to the appreciation that he could afford to feed her.

The business man kept himself busy to ignore the company of the his wife in her book club. Men - A species he understood well, and wanted to be atop of. He hated how they talked to her, how they behaved around her, how they offered company he could not give her due to unforeseen circumstances of his business. He wanted to prove to himself that he was more capable than all the rest of the men in her life.

In the fight of proving that, he went through sweat, heavy frowns, forced smiles, and forcing himself to keep awake to get things accomplished. For he wanted to provide his wife the best, better than any other man could. He had that sense of accomplishment, and he could not do it without the help of his secretary. A relationship which he had a blurred line with -  Professional relationship or a friendship, his wife questioned in her head, without any answer -  for he would not be able to provide her one.

In the midst of proving his capabilities as a strong-willed man who could handle his business and afford to feed his wife and possibly provide her the best she could ever have, he forgot about her.

He forgot about the promises he made her.
He forgot about the little things she did for him.
He forgot about the sacrifices she made for him.
He forgot about the unanswered questions in her head.
He forgot about the things he said to her.
He forgot about how alone she was.

When he was fighting to bring food to the table.
When he was fighting to earn enough to bring his wife out for a meal.
When he was fighting for a better future for him and his wife.
When he was fighting to be better for himself.

But where was the time for him to have a meaningful conversation with her at dinner?
But where was the time for him to head out with her on a surprise dinner she had planned for him?
But where was the time for him to appreciate the little dinners she cooked for him?
But where was the time for him to live up to the promises of helping his wife with clearing the dishes after dinner?

But where was the time for him to stay awake and get his work done before he could spend the quality time he promised her?


The wife sat by the couch cleaning up after the meal she had cooked for him.
She grabbed him a blanket while he slept on his couch.
She gave him a kiss on the forehead, but he frowned.
She grabbed everything which had to be cleaned up.

She couldn't sleep.
She did all her chores.
She cleared the table and threw the rubbish.
She washed all the dishes and cutlery twice.
She kept the clean clothes from dryer.
She threw the dirty clothes into the washing machine.
She took all his work shirts and ironed them.
She packed all the clothes back into the shelves.

In her mind, the wife was all packed up.
She was ready to leave.
The vast emptiness amplified by the empty house.
Questioning why she was still here, and not elsewhere.
Perhaps in another realm,
where she could be more appreciated.


The wife did not need the business man for his money.
The wife did not need the business man for his name.
The wife did not need the business man for his power.
The wife did not need the business man for happiness.

The wife needed the business man for a feeling of home.


She wondered if he would know if she wasn't lying next to him at night.
She wondered if he would know if she was so empty inside.
She wondered if he would know if she was hurting inside.
She wondered if he would even know if she disappeared.

She wondered if he would only realise everything she has done for him if she stopped doing them for him. She wondered if he could ever realise the sacrifices she made because she always put him first.

Why couldn't she stop loving him.


Heard you say, "not today,"
tore the curtains down,
windows open now,
make a sound.



Please tell them you have no plans for me.
I will set my soul on fire, 
what have I become?


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