Wrap me up in Chanel inside my coffin.

"If lighthouse becomes a burning candle,
flickered upon ocean's insanity.
Your sailing heart there anchors to handle
the obsessed breeze towards sand dune's vanity."

— Munia Khan.

----------------

Nobody knew that it was so easy to get hooked onto the idea of getting busy.

Savouring the stack of work and tasks with deadlines to meet

 Smothering the self-worth with the ability to accomplish.

Struggling to keep up with the self-made to-do lists.

Strangling the mere thoughts of taking a break.

Nobody knew that it was so easy to get distracted away from distractions.

--------

Sweet little baby in a world full of pain.

I gotta be honest, I don't know if I could take it.

Everybody's talking, but what's anybody saying?

--------

Selective.
Directive.
Reflective.
Perspective.




--------

I'm using white lighters to see what's in front of me.

--------

It was a dark room.

Or at least it was, initially.

And then someone offered me a thought.

This thought transformed into an action.

Getting into the act of searching the storeroom.

A smile formed upon finding a stack of candles.

Taking a lighter to start a flame.

The sudden gust of wind extinguishes the flame.

 --------

Close my eyes and cross my arms.

Put me in the dirt, let me dream with the stars.

Throw me in a box with the oxygen off.

You gave me the key then you locked every lock.

--------

Nobody told me that it was so easy to fall in love.

I no longer fall in love with people.
I no longer fall in love with falling in love.


But nobody knows what I fall in love with.

I fall in love with every thing that people don't like.
I fall in love with every form of human interaction.




--------

When I can't breathe, I won't ask you to stop.

When I can't breathe, I won't call for a cop.

I was naive and hopeful and lost.

Now I'm aware and trapped in my thoughts.

--------




Nobody told me to think harder than I always do.

I think about how I can get better.
I think about how I can do better.


But nobody knows how to make me stop thinking.

I think about how I can change for the better.
I think about how I can be better than better.




--------

What do I do?

I don't believe it if I don't keep proof.

I don't believe it if I don't know you.

I don't believe it if it's on the news or on the Internet.

--------




The wave of enjoyable self-torture never seems to tide away. 
 The crave for more pain never seems to fade away.

It was never about finding ways to make a problem go away.
It was never about finding ways to fix a problem.


It was about how to quickly resolve a problem,
and how to quickly get back on two feet for the next one.

The crash and burn, but still not giving up.
Pushing on and stretching the limits.



--------


I need a cigarette.

--------

Close to a break down,

far from a burn out.

I am no longer in denial.

I am a masochist.

----------------

M.

Might go to Hell and there ain't no stopping.

Might be a sinner and I might be a saint.

I'd like to make you proud but somehow I'm ashamed.