I don't know how to make it stop.

"He keeps saying we can run but we can't hide. I say we try hiding." 

— Rick Sanchez, Rick and Morty: Lawnmower Dog.

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What happens when you feel pain, but no one is around?

What happens when you try to scream, but no sound comes out?

What happens when you try to cry it out, but no tears are allowed?

What happens when you try to be human, but no feelings are permitted?

————

Ain't love grand?

————

I wanted to run, 

but my legs wore me out 

with my relentless need to go for walks,

and so I stopped wanting to run.

I wanted to hide,

but my mind tired me out

with my endless need to logicalise everything,

and so I stopped thinking about hiding.

I wanted to be sure,

but my heart drained me out

with my hopeless need to speculate,

and so I stopped trying to be sure.

I wanted to be happy,

but my laughter numbed me out

with my pointless need to grasp mortality,

and so I stopped trying to be happy.

————

I could never make anyone happy.

I could never make anyone less unhappy.

I could never make myself happy.

I could never make myself less unhappy.

I could never make anyone want me around.

I could never make me want myself around.

I could never make anyone need me.

I could never make me need me.

————

Perhaps it's time I stopped trying to be a wonder woman of my own and accept fate that I have begun to become a less interesting person than I used to be. My fragility, persistence, determination, and obstinacy are dissipating together with my motivation to live.

————

Wubbalubbadubdub.

————————

M.

I love it, I hate it, and I can't take it.

But I keep on coming back to you.