Ctrl+Z. Ctrl+Me.

"Just living is not enough", said the butterfly, "one must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower."
— Hans Christian Andersen.

I need to chill.

Be of good cheer. Do not think of today's failures, but of the success that may come tomorrow. You have set yourselves a difficult task, but you will succeed if you persevere; and you will find joy in overcoming obstacles. Remember, no effort that we make to attain something beautiful is ever lost.

— Hellen Keller.


Oh, hier ist es wieder.


It was that urging voice again. 
Pick it up. Come on, pick it up.
Said with tactful impatience.
Delicate yet coaxing, it was.
Not that one could resist that offer,
But it has happened once before.
Not that it was too long ago,
But maybe I don't want to talk about it.
Now, moving on to the next issue—
How does that voice go away?
And there it was again saying,
Pick it up. Just pick it up.
Clear distinct instructions repeated.
No rationale given, no answers, nothing.
What is there to be picked up?
All that can be seen ahead are a pile of blocks.
Wooden playing blocks used for stacking.
It was said that stacking blocks was fun,
And it would improve imagination.
Maybe it did to some extent for me,
I grew up stacking blocks.
Acquiring new levels each time
And getting slightly swifter too.
Thinking back about the times
when the blocks were low-rise buildings
and the objective was to create skyscrapers,
Or at least a wooden staircase
That is tall enough to climb up
Onto the villages and castle built in the air.
Perhaps that is why stacking blocks are encouraged
For the innocent minds as a foundation
To setting standards of the unknown
With feelings of joy with each accomplishment.
Each block had its significance—
To be a sturdy foundation for the next layer;
And to be complementary to the blocks stacked beneath.
Thinking about the possibilities of wooden blocks
And all the unique different structures they can form.
Are all these thought processes and attempts to understand
How block stacking is beneficial and—almost—even essential
A waste of time from actually taking action
And picking up the block as assumed from the verbal instruction.
Again, the assumption should be validated before action.
Hence, the only way was to try and pick a block up.
What was the worst that could happen—
An unsteady base for the following blocks;
A few other fallen blocks from miscalculation;
Or simply procrastination once again.
Much thought has been placed into a simple instruction.
Too much thought, perhaps. The time could be better spent.
Yet again, before the action is executed.
Were the words even an instruction?
Could they be motivational words instead?
Perhaps there seem to be too much reading into the tone.
Oh, the audacity of enforcing such trains of thoughts
With the three simple words,
Pick it up.
Forget all that was said or considered before.
Being told to pick it up, I shall.
The hand wobbles closely to the nearby brick,
Picking it up gently with false confidence.
Moving the brick to eye level
Where the highest brick currently sat at,
Sweaty fingers began to release the brick.
A flash occurred right in front of my eyes.
Every thing had fallen.
Everything was out of place.
Instead of a more fitting response,
The voice had turned into a snigger.
An extended one, in fact.
It was too long for comfort.
Was the response to laugh along as well?
Not really, I wasn't ready for that.
Although it happened so fast,
It was an unfamiliar hand that intercepted.
Efforts felt misplaced as the heart sank.
Taking a long time to rebuild the blocks
Over and over again began to tire me.
And there it was again. That taunt.
Pick it up. Pick it up again.
Maybe, I will. Maybe, I won't.
Encouraging yet daunting, a new challenge was posed.
Flashbacks began to occur. All of them.
All the flashbacks of how the blocks had fallen before,
And they were repeated over and over.
Just like the instructions to pick the blocks up again.
Pick it up. Come on.
While I chose to perceive it as an encouragement,
The heart had started to turn cold.
Shivering in the fear of another failure,
No can do. Not any more.
This time it would be different.
Building blocks with a purpose.
Building blocks with an end goal.
Start again. It was never too late.
Never too late to start again.


Heute ist zurück.



I been getting my ill
I been spreading that text
I been spinning my wheels
I been having mai ties
I been loving bad guys
I been seeking some thrills
I been wanting one more
Then I wanted like four
I been having some guilt
I been feeling so blessed
But stressed all day
For real.


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