Ctrl+Z. Ctrl+Me.

"Just living is not enough", said the butterfly, "one must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower."
— Hans Christian Andersen.

I had a dream.

You said this was only the beginning,
I didn't realize that meant starting a new chapter without you as part of my story.

— Tannaz Sayadi, Write like no one is reading 2.


I didn't want to wake up from this dream.
It seemed like this night's sleep was coming to an end.
In fact, it is.

But in this dream, 
I can't seem to open my eyes.
I can't get myself to wake up
no matter how hard I keep trying.

Inside this illusion of rest,
I hated what I saw and felt
every single time I closed my eyes.

Closing my eyes in a dream
never felt so real
and terrifying.

A place where I lose myself
to my subconsciousness —
my thoughts, my id,
my inner most feelings.

It wasn't the safe place
I had imagined.

Filled with the frights
I invent for myself,
accompanied by the terrors
I didn't ask for.

I was trapped.
Ambushed and captured
in my own mind.
I couldn't get out.

Voices were talking to me,
the same ones when I am conscious;
telling me to wake up;
getting me to do a reality check.

It was time to move on.
Away from this comfort,
this familiarity, this lack of warmth. 

I didn't ask for my dreams to have snow.
So, why is it so cold?

Yet it was so hard to wake up,
as though I was enjoying the closed-eye hallucination.
But this daydream happened in the dark
with all inhibitions down,
vulnerability at best.

The darkest thoughts came alive.
The ones that are darker than the night.

In a room with the curtains closed,
not a speck of light to illuminate the gloom.

In this self-perceived nightmare
where I am sliding down a hill
I didn't ask for,

I let myself slide.

A self-proclamation of dread,
I let myself slide.

It seemed like it was all going downhill
and downwards was the only way.
But if only I could just get myself to open my eyes.

I almost forgot that I was just dreaming.
But one can only dream
in a dream, right?


How do I escape this despair?
I desperately need a flare.
 Maybe I want to wake myself up
and pour me a full cup.
Or maybe I want to stay this way
and reminisce in this grey.
I'll just oscillate between this black and white
until my eyes will finally open wide.



I got everything I wanted.
But when I wake up, I see 
You with me.
And you say,
As long as I'm here
No one can hurt you.
Don't wanna lie here
But you can learn to.


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