But it's not just how I feel.

Everything was okay today, but I am not feeling okay. I think that when things you like go away, you die a little bit inside, and I think it takes a long time for you to feel okay again.

Abraham M. Alghanem, Summer and Autumn.

————————

Breathe it in,

the essence of self-love.

Nobody can make the decision for you,

except for your brain that craves the rush,

the adrenaline, the sense of satisfaction

when you give yourself the best.

But it is your heart that says no,

only because 

it is much harder to let go

than to let it in.

Give yourself a little love,

you say to yourself.

But loving is not the same

as before.

Self-care come first now, you say.

Forget about that love.

Forget about thinking about it.

Forget about that pain of letting go of that love.

It wasn't love, you say.

You point to the mirror and push yourself away

from what seems to be the heart of all that pain.

But you still couldn't stay away.

You couldn't move on, you say.

Now that you know it wasn't love,

you can't forget about the price you had to pay.

There is so much more out there.

Yet while it was right in front of you,

you couldn't find it.

You had to lose everything -

your self-respect, self-esteem, confidence -

to find yourself the solution of self-love.

You wonder how you can start afresh again 

without a guardian angel to give you the assurance.

But you won't be seeing any angels anytime soon.

Now you can only rely on self-love, you say.

Not those thoughts that wouldn't go away. 

That is what you need to live another day.

————

Oh, how I wish

every night I could be counting sheep

and dreaming of a warm winter

with horses and cake.

————————

M.

This is real life.